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An Interview with the Outrageous Steve Perez:

Posted by Beamer at 11:19 PM

When I asked this gentleman for an interview, another Friend Feed associate, I had no idea what I was in for. This is raucous and not for the squeamish. I learned a lot about Steve with this Interview.

Steven Perez Interview -

Beamer- Mr. Perez, I find you a very unique individual. There aren't many People I know that would stick a glowing purple thing in their ear, much less take a picture of it, and then post it proudly on the Internet. Where do you come up with such crazy Ideas?

PEREZ: Well. for one thing, it's a sonic screwdriver, and the tip is blue. Purple doesn't react well to my skin. And I'd like to think that many of my crazy ideas were the result of extensive peyote experimentation in middle school. Alas, I believe the source of the my insanity comes squarely from an early diet of lead paint chips and French porn.

Beamer: Now Bobby you know what all that stuff is that Steve is talking about?

Bobby: What's a Sonic Screwdriver? And lead paint, that isn't good to eat is it? and French Porn .. Ok, I might know what that is.

Beamer: I'll have to google what a sonic screwdriver and No lead chips in paint is not a good thing to eat. You are correct in that assumption, but It explains a lot about Steve though. I'm glad you didn't ask about the Peyote.

Bobby: What is Peyote?

PEREZ: Peyote is a small herb used for time travel and extending one's mind into other realms of reality. I'm still wondering which reality I left my mind.

Beamer: Too Late.

PEREZ: It usually is with me.

Beamer: Your love of Cilantro- I realize it holds a special place in your heart, But to devote your Tumblr Page to it alone - That is pretty amazing. How long have you had this intense love affair with a spice?

PEREZ: That's a fairly common misconception. I have nothing to do with FUCK YEAH CILANTRO, other than a deep and abiding envy at not having thought of it earlier. Needless to say, as a Hispanic male, cilantro (NOT CORIANDER, you imperialist running dogs from other countries) is an integral part of my diet. Without it, I would lose my singing voice, gain an additional 500 lbs around my neck and be unable to bring a woman to orgasm seven times in thirty minutes.

Beamer: Ok, I think I just lost my Kid rating. Thanks Steve. Just kidding. The, uhm, 30 minute thing I am just going to let that go. Not gaining weight around your neck though is very useful information.

PEREZ: You'd be surprised how easy that is. The weight thing, not your kid rating. Actually, ...

Beamer: What did you do with your spare time prior to getting a web cam?

PEREZ: Wrestled bears, conquered small armies, reinvented several complex DNA sequences, wrote five bestselling novels under assumed names, and made love to several Italian supermodels at the same time over a span of eleven days. Also, caught up on my sleep.

Beamer: Looking at some of those Pictures of abandoned Buildings, some of those shots look like they are from another world. I know from taking plenty of shots myself with a camera, that many times what you eye sees is different than what shows up on the camera. Have you got a couple of places you went to that were abandoned where the camera didn't even come close to capturing what you were seeing with your eyes?

PEREZ: All of them. The camera rarely catches what I think I see. I'm just glad I belong to a community that manages to snag some small part of the reality around them, because that's something I've never been able to do.

Beamer: I noticed in the one shot of the abandoned Hospital, you have a reference to the 3 Stooges (Calling Doctor Howard). Are you a big fan of theirs?

PEREZ: Little known fact - I was Shemp. And Joe Besser. But they didn't like my deep voice.

Beamer: I thought you looked familiar. That is so cool.

PEREZ: Yes, I had the hair, if not the voice.

Beamer: Young Frankenstein really cracked me up. I am glad you chose it over Princess Bride. What was you favorite scene from Young Frankenstein?

PEREZ: Elevating Teri Garr. As a young man, this was a dream of mine.

Beamer: How long have you had a love of Movies?

PEREZ: Since my mother took me to see STAR WARS when I was five.

Beamer: Yeah, I'm not feeling too old right now.

PEREZ: Just wait til you turn 900 years old.

Bobby: How old were you when you went and saw that?

Beamer: I don't want to talk about it.

PEREZ: At least your first film experience wasn't THE PHANTOM MENACE. I hear in some states that taking your kids to see that cinematic abortion is grounds for child abuse charges.

Beamer: I'll try and avoid that movie. I see from your FM site that you currently have 2,606 Artists in total in your queue. My god man, how do you possibly listen to that many people and groups?

PEREZ: With great efficiency. I must have music when I work, so my only requirement for a media player is the ability to log all of my songs to last.fm. Unfortunately, my need for music means I have to turn down otherwise lucrative assignments, such as the arranged assassination of Adolf Hitler. Really wish I had taken that gig.

Beamer: A few years ago I got to see ZZ Top live Here in Bakersfield. Dem boys from Texas put on a hell of a show. Have you seen anybody live recently that blew you away with their talent musically?

PEREZ: Jane Monheit. That woman has the voice of an angel and a body that exudes sexuality from every pore. I patiently await news of her divorce so that I can sweep her off her feet.

Beamer: Can you tell me please what the heck is a Bluetooth Laser Virtual Keyboard?

PEREZ: It's a piece of Time Lord technology that survived the Time War. I'm really not sure how you humans acquired it at all.

Bobby: What?

Beamer: It's probably best we don't know. Just act like he didn't answer it, ok?

Bobby: Ok. But ...

PEREZ: IT NEVER HAPPENED BOBBY.

Beamer: I'll talk to you later about it. It's ok. You'll have to excuse him, He's uhm, sensitive.

PEREZ: I suppose that's one way to put it.

Beamer: He was dropped a few times on his head growing up. I only was responsible for one of those times. The dog did the rest, yeah ... I also noticed that your wanting The Zombie Survival Guide. Do you know something I don't?

PEREZ: Let's just say that it pays to be prepared. Also, armed.

Beamer: Good to know.

Bobby: Did he say Be prepared?

Beamer: Now, just calm down ... Did you actually Spend a year in Cabo San Lucas?

PEREZ: Indeed, I did. Best year of my life; I had to be dragged back to the US kicking and screaming. I still have an old Webshots archive containing some snaps I took on the way down there from California. But the photos I took during my stay are locked on a busted hard drive in a box in my closet. When I find some extra money, I'll get them copied to my Flickr account.

Beamer: Can't wait. Albuquerque, NM. Sounds like it gets hot there during the summer. I almost moved to that chunk of the USA. How do you like living there?

PEREZ: I love it. It gets very hot in the summer, being high altitude desert and all, but it's a nice patch all the same. October is the best month, though, with all the balloons taking off every morning for two weeks.

Beamer: Well Steve, I can't thank you enough for your time and interesting answers. You have a good day.

PEREZ: Thank you, gentlemen. Now where did I park the TARDIS?

Posted in Amazing, Friend Feed, Interview, outrageous, Time Travel, visitors, What ? |

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